A Certain Road is Paved With Them, But They Can Pave Another Road Too!

The hectic last couple months of 2009 are over and a new year is well under way. In keeping with both the spirit and the specifics of my New Year's resolutions, I intend to be more intentional in the way I live--in particular, the way I EL and EM.

Intentionality. This is one of the words which comes to my mind when I describe our new pastor. I suppose there are levels of intentionality. Obviously, every act we engage in involves some baseline level of intentionality. But what I have in mind is when a person knows exactly what they are setting about to do, has a clear conception of precisely why they are doing it, and a focused mental image of what the expected end-result of their action(s) looks like, and then takes concrete steps in the desired direction.

Our new pastor, Jerry Andrews, came to us on September first of last year and has displayed just this kind of intentionality in just about everything he's done. The very first thing he did--a seemingly insignificant thing--was to replace many of the nouns  in our church bulletin with verbs. Therefore "Corporate Confession" became, "confessing our sins."  He took over the portion of the service called time with children, which had been kind of a cute Kodak moment and turned it into a more intentional time of catechism--enhanced with a flannel board! Kids who used to sit on carpeted steps facing the congregation during this time now sit in a front-row pew, facing the minister instead of an adoring audience. This has all been intentional.

Another evidence of a solid intentionality on his part has been his use of language. When trying to size-up our new pastor, one of the first things I noticed about him was how often her used the word, "project." He even referred to the effort to live for God as  "project." The more I noticed this, the more it mad sense to me. Now I find myself thinking in terms of "projects." What could more intentional than a project? It has plans, a beginning, middle and end--usually involving a series of deadlines. A project accomplishes something--intentionally. Losing one's excess weight is a real project and requires real intentionality.

Life often seduces us to squander our time here and there in drips and drabs without us much noticing. All our electronic gadgets act as co-conspirators in this subtile seduction. We watch one TV show intentionally, and then sit through the next for no particular reason at all. We have a moderate-sized meal but then have second--or even third--helpings whithout giving it much thought at all. How often do we squander our time with the kind of good intentions which never lead to any actions. These are those fuzzy "someday" intentions which are good for paving a certain road, but which are impotent and useless. For years I had this sort of fuzzy intention to eat better, get a little more exercise and someday lose some weight. Of course nothing ever came of such wet-noodle intentions.

The ELEM-6 lifestyle requires a genuine, real and clear intentionality. Let us say you have a vague sort-of intention to perhaps get out and go for a walk tomorrow morning--weather permitting. It's bedtime. You can lull yourself into a happy stupor with this sort of fuzzy intention as you have a glass of milk and a cookie or two. Or, you can whip your fuzzy intention into shape like an Army drill sergeant might do with a dull new recruit. You can  lay out, on the chair where you usually sit for breakfast,  your walking shoes, socks, your sweat pants, a jacket, keys etc. These actions are in harmony with and reflect your real intention to get out for that walk. While you are at it, you can set out that modest-sized bowl for the EL breakfast you will enjoy when you return from your walk. Oh, and don't forget to set your alarm clock for 5:55--and put it somewhere where you will have to get out of bed to turn it off!

This is the kind of intentionality which will transform your someday-I'm going-to-look-into-an exercise-plan-or-yoga-or-something intentions into tomorrow-morning-at-six-fifteen reality!

More about how to build intentionality into your thinking and daily planning in my next post. Have you bought those walking shoes yet?

A Bullet Which Must be Bitten--But Take Heart, it Has, Eventually, a Creamy Filling!

Like Lauren said in her most recent post, The Death of Freestyle Eating (a MUST read!) "The good news is that you never have to go on a diet again. How you eat with the ELEM becomes your new normal."

I got fat by eating as much as I wanted of whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. That sort of "freestyle" eating--the kind I unthinkingly indulged--is what I had to accept must end for good--which meant a whole new mentality about eating had somehow to be formed in my head. It meant also that all new eating habits had to somehow come to take the place of that old "anything-goes" approach. In short I had to come up with a "new normal." That's exactly what the ELEM methods helped me to embrace--and am I ever glad I did!

I'll be the first to say it wasn't easy--especially at first. In the beginning it seemed a lot like torturous withdrawals to not eat all I wanted whenever I felt like it. But I was determined to find a new way of eating which I could adopt as a permanent lifestyle. The ELEM-6 Diet fit the bill. It fit because I was able to craft it to suite myself and my specific personal preferences.

It is good that it took me ten months to reach my weight goal. Those months were necessary in order to retrain my brain and to adopt new eating habits. Habits which now feel familiar and normal and which I I know I can maintain for the long term--the rest of my life. I have now been maintaining my ideal weight for three-and-a-half months. In the days ahead I'll be sharing what I have learned/am learning about maintaining one's weight loss. As you might guess, ELEM continues on even after the pounds have been shed. But know what? ELEM and I are now on friendly terms and I think this could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship...

The Death of Freestyle Eating

Before we get too far into this we need to get real. Its time to get your brain in the game. As you probably already know, managing the thoughts and behaviors that keep you overweight is the true challenge. It is more how you eat rather than what you eat that should be your focus. Unless you alter some basic beliefs and behaviors that sabotage your successes, you will always end up back at the beginning. The dismal truth is that 80-95% of dieters gain back most or all of the weight they lost within two years. The ELEM lifestye is the way out of that disheartening statistic. The ELEM diet focuses on the how, not the what.

The cruelest myth of dieting is that you can finish a diet and get 'back to normal' once you reach your goal. "Ta-Da!! I'm done, now I can have PIZZA again!!" Your normal eating is what got you in trouble in the first place. At some level we all know the truth - the reality that you have to change how you eat F-O-R-E-V-E-R to stay at your ideal weight once and for all. Let's call it the Inconvenient Truth of dieting. We know the facts, but we want so much to find some magic solution that we ignore the truth. Diet books and programs make millions by selling us the next false magic solution. Denial is a wonderful thing, but its time to face the facts. The idea of freestle eating - eating all that you want, of whatever you want, whenever you want to - has to go. Bye-bye, kaput, done, gone. Time to GOMO - Get Over it, Move On.

The good news is that you never have to go on a diet again. How you eat on the ELEM becomes your new normal. It really is beautifully simple in concept. I was so mad about the failure of dieting that I vowed to NEVER DO IT AGAIN. NO counting calories, NO rules I would only break, NO weird unhealthy fads!! I knew I had to lose weight, but I had to find a way do it without going on a diet. My strategy was to just start eating like I would need to eat to maintain the goal weight I wanted. Theoretically, my weight should naturally adjust to my goal. Well, it wasn't all that easy, but that is basically what I did.

Your new truth is that you are building a deliberate and intentional ELEM lifestyle. One that fits you, one that you CAN live with. It's not one big huge change that you can't stick with - its hundreds of tiny adjustments that you try on for size and choose the ones that work for you. The more tiny changes you find that work, the easier it gets. Your weight loss will eventually merge into your new slim ELEM lifestyle. What is your tiny ELEM adjustment for today??

The ELEM-6 Diet, Part-13a: Eat Anything at All!

I'd like to chime in on what Lauren wrote below. She mentioned movie popcorn and how she adjusted/compensated for that intentional indulgence. This brings up a couple of very important points I'd like to expand upon. The ELEM-6 Diet has no restrictions whatsoever on what you eat! It only coaches you to be intentional and purposeful about your choices and to eat only a reasonable amount (not rocket science!) of whatever it is, making thought-out adjustments to subsequent meals and/or exercise as compensation. I find this approach very liberating while also encouraging me to be totally responsible for--and mindful of--how much I eat and the amount of exercise needed to match my eating decisions. This is why the ELEM-6 Diet will train you into a way of eating and exercise that you can adopt as a permanent lifestyle--one you've made your very own and are content with. Here I feel compelled to say once more that you can do these mental "calculations"we've alluded to without any calorie counting or complicated formulas. When you become aware of what you are eating, and in what amounts, then you will just know, "I'lll need to eat a little less than usual next meal to adjust for that cookie" or, "I'll need some extra walking tomorrow to offset that muffin." Needless to say, we are not talking about out-of-control binging here, just the normal little indulgences we all will intelligently and intentionally choose from time to time.

Two more points: First, yes, I really do eat whatever I feel like--cheesecake, rocky road ice cream (my favorite!) bread (don't get me started telling you of my love affair with bread!) or just any food I'd like. I just EL! When the birthday cake (mmm...the kind with layers of raszzberry filling) is passed around, I don't make any big deal by saying, in martyr fashion "no thank you, none for me, it's not on my diet." I just go cut my own little slice (Yes, it looks a lonely and rather pathetic little thing, that dinky little sliver being so small (especially if the plates are big).  Nonetheless, I really so enjoy the wonderful sensation afforded me by those two or three bites. I've learned to live with this restriction and not even feel sorry for myself. The silver lining (or perhaps I should say sliver lining) here is that this makes things taste even better and helps me enjoy them even more than when I'd eat two (or three!) big pieces! Since I've allowed myself such a precious little serving, I am very mindful to savor it to the fullest. This is the new way of thinking you will find yourself adopting as you practice the EL part of the plan. Oh--and don't forget the silver-est lining of all--day 7!

The second point: Although I eat whatever I want, I have adjusted the percentage of those foods in my overal eating habits. This is necessary if, like me, are a starchy-food fanatic. I mentioned above my love affair with bread. I think this may have been sparked in me at an early age when my great grandmother would come to our house and make homemade bread. I'd arrive home from grade school and open the door to be enveloped by the warmpth of the kitchen and the intoxicating aroma of freshly baked bread. Her timing was impeckable. When I walked in the door she was just slicing off the heal (my favorite) and she'd slather it with real butter and place it in my anxious little third-grade hand. To die for! Oh,, I see I've gotten carried away. Ahem... yes, "adjusted the percentage..." As I was saying, I've cut back on the bread, pasta and rice and greatly increased the greens, fruits and fiber. Let me explain. Under the rubric of the ELEM-6 Diet, I could very well have kept eating all those starchy foods but I would have had to EM--enough more--to compensate. Possible theoretically, but I don't have 3 or 4 hours to exercise in the morning, I only have about an hour-and-a-half. So, I made a reasonable compromise and changed the composition of my daily diet. Simple as that. I'll tell you more about this--and give you some helpful details--in the days ahead. For now, just remember to begin to be intentional and mindful about the food choices you make. You are in control here and you can do this!

I just love wind chimes and find them enchanting.

THE ELEM-6 DIET, Part - 13: Goof-ups

Goof ups are inevitable, necessary, and essential to your learning. Expect them, welcome them...then take action.

What I want to stress here is that the problem with every other diet you've tried is that they didn't FIT you, your lifestyle, your personality, your likes & dislikes, etc. It was someone else's diet, packaged and sold to you. You try to fit it, successfully for a while, but you can't live with it forever. That's where ELEM is different. You will learn here how to build a lifestyle of eating less and exercising more that you can live with - custom designed by you and for you. Guided by core principles, but uniquely yours.

What works for me is different than what works for my brother. Neither of our paths will fit you perfectly. Your mistakes/weaknesses teach you where you need to adjust, retool, or compensate. Here's an example. My hubby and I went to the movies this weekend. I love movie popcorn. I know, I know. It is dastardly, greasy, loaded with transfats, sodium and probably thousands of calories. Its horrible nasty stuff. But I love it and I don't want to give it up. When I was in serious weight loss mode I worked around it by avoiding movies altogether or having lunch just before I went and bringing rice cake crisps instead. I also would not carry extra cash (I'm not gonna whip out the credit card for popcorn!). But now that I'm maintaining I need to learn how to work with it. So, I made a conscious decision to indulge and then compensate. So lunch today was a small bowl of soup and dinner was lite yogurt with an apple. I'll add an extra 15 minutes on the elliptical every morning this week and that should do the trick. (I'll let you know how it goes).

What sinful thing do you need to learn to avoid, adjust to, or accommodate? What will you do to work with it?

Details Galore--Take Your Pick, Use What Works for You. Today: Numbers

Allen here. I'm so happy to see my sweet sis has begun to share her insights here as well. Two heads are indeed better than one! What a great balance: both a man's and a woman's perspective on how to really find success in the weight loss game. Did you know that, between the two of us--my sister and I--we've lost a combined total of 140-lbs? Wow! and it was all by El and EM (no, not the cigaretts you silly!).  That reminds me, my sister and I are going to have to get some before-and-after photos up here before long so you can actually see the success we achieved through the ELEM-6 method. It might be a bit of a challenge due to the fact that seriously overweight folks don't exactly have a love afair with the camera. In fact we tend to scoot out of the frame whenever possible. When we fail to do so and later see the photo--OMG--we are shocked to see how we look from the side, or behind or from nearly any angle: "That's me? Yikles!" Anyway, painful as it willbe, we'll  both try to pony up some  "fat photos" to show you how far we've come. I have a photographer buddy who I will have take a current photo of Lauren and me. And I promise: no PhotoShop--just the real deal!

OK, here is my detail/tip for the day: One number--once a week--is all you need. 
This tip (which I will explain more fully in a moment) comports with one of the fundamental ELEM principles: Keep it Simple Slimpants! Look, if you really need to schlep around a calorie calculator everwhere you go or you are compelled to assign points to every item on your plate, and you find it a big help, then I'm not going to discourage you. I'm good with whatever works. For me personally though, I am not into weighing my meals on a scale or getting out the green eyeshade to count every calorie. Hey--I can tell a big serving from a moderate serving from a small one--no problem. So I'm not going to talk about calorie counting here, but speak to the issue of weighing yourself.

Here is how I do it and how, jf you follow my example, the scale will not drive you crazy (You have bought your digital read-out scale haven't you?) If not, then run right over to Walnmart this very moment and get one! Oh--and don't fall for the ones that you have to program or that follow your weight changes. No--just get a plain digital read-out scale. Keep it Simple Slimpants!


Weigh yourself only once a week only.  Same time every week. For me it is first thing Monday morning. That gives me my score on my 6-day long effort. You may already know that your weight can fluctuate a great deal from day to day--even hour by hour depending on liquids consumed etc. This is the natural cycle of things. Avoid the emotional roller-coaster  of weighing in daily. Instead, picture that you are going to make a 6-day effort at losing weitht and at the end of that time you are going to see the fruit of that effort. So, get naked at the same place and time each week and get a reality-check. If you are following the ELEM-6 plan, you will be shedding between 1 and 3 pounds per week. To weigh in, get naked and see what the verdict of the scale is. Keep a log. This will help more than you might imagine. After you weigh in, them I want you to rub lotion all over your whole body. This will do two things: It will give you body-awareness and--more importantly--it will help keep your sking elastic so it can shrink to fit the new-sized you that is on the way (Isn't that a happy thought?). Not to mention, this lotion ritual is relaxing and thereputic.

Well, I see I have run out of time. Hope this has been helpful. Keep coming back as my sister and I will be blogging the ELEM diet all year long. May a healthy and successful 2010 be yours!

THE ELEM-6 DIET Tip for the Day #1

Take advantage of fleeting moments of motivation. One of my challenges is not so much what NOT to eat, but rather it is having decent choices available in my hectic day. Starting my 10-12 hour work day without a plan is to set myself up for failure. It's Sunday morning and I have great motivation (for now), so I'm cooking a big pot of oh-so-healthy chicken & wild rice soup. I'll put it into individual serving Tupperware and it should help me make good lunch choices all week. If you're not into cooking, at least go shopping to be sure that you have good snacks or quick meals ready for the week. For me its low-fat string cheese, apples, carrots & hummus and Fiber One bars. I'm a snacker, so my odds for success go way up if I have something quick to grab that isn't a doughnut.

Another way to take maximize a moment of motivation is to take radical action. Throw out the leftover cookies that have been your downfall all week. Clean out the fridge. Go buy the walking shoes. DO SOMETHING!! Your positive action will build more actions in a similar way that your failures can lead to more failures. Take that pattern and turn it on its head! (Then please share with us what you've done)

THE ELEM-6 DIET, PART 12: No Pain, No Gain

Well, it's time for me to chime in here. I'm Lauren, Allen's sister. Oddly enough, my brother and I have independently arrived at the same destination, a reasonable weight, using the same path, ELEM. As I approached the age of 50, I too had a similar 'come to Jesus' talk with my doctor. She laid out the facts: Cholesterol too high, blood pressure too high, weight 217. I would need to go on medication. I was at risk for heart disease. As I planned for my upcoming hysterectomy, I suspected that the sudden onset of menopause was not going to help the situation. I had my now-or-never moment.

I had become so accepting of the fate of being overweight that it took a blunt, somewhat harsh, appraisal of my health reality to jar me awake. I had become, as the Pink Floyd song says , comfortably numb. As we get to know each other better, I will talk more about that trap - the result of years of constant failure, episodic false successes, and a gradual descent and submission to the false belief that being thin was for other people. Maybe possible for those naturally thin-eat everything they want-hard bodied-lucky ones (let's hate them), but not for me. That false belief dies hard, but on that day nearly eight years ago I decided that it was B.S. and I would fight back. I must, I can, I will.

Today is January 2nd. Millions of Americans are waking up to the hangover of a two-month long holiday food binge. They will rush out to buy the latest diet craze book (what it is this year??) and join a gym that they will attend faithfully for a few weeks. Then they will slip, falter, and give up. That person has been me, and probably you too, many times before. It is not me today. Today I am two pounds lighter than I was on October first. I hover within a few pounds of 150, which is good for my size 8, 5'7" frame. Since October I have traveled on vacation to Reno, had four long-weekend getaways, and have faced an incredible onslaught of restaurant meals, holiday feasts and an endless parade of goodies in the break room at work. I enjoyed it all - homemade cookies, mashed potatoes & gravy, chocolate truffles, champagne....I could go on. I ate, I enjoyed.... and I maintained control.

After many years of living the ELEM lifestyle, I can say that I went through the holidays with NO PAIN and NO GAIN!! I loved it, I managed it, and I didn't suffer. Really. It is not magic, and I am no hero. I have lousy will-power (or, more correctly, won't power). I have every doubt, bad habit, and secret weakness that you do, and then some. I get lonely, bored, and tempted - just like you. I grew up in a world where food was the currency, the tangible love, and the comfort, woven inextricably in the social fabric of my life. Food was my reward, my solace and my celebration. I am no different than you and if I can do it, you can too. Honestly. You must, you can, you will. Say it.

I know it is a little scary to try this again after so many disappointments. I know. I went to my first weight loss doctor at the ripe old age of 12. I have gained and lost literally hundreds of pounds. But there is better way, a final way, and my brother and I have found it. Our ancient secret method. Join us on our journey. What do you have to lose? You deserve it and there is so much to gain - this is a life-altering adventure (and I'm not just talking about your size here).

So go ahead and be fearful and skeptical. So was I. But then find that tiny bit of hope and join us anyway. Do just one thing today to get started. Repeat the mantra - I must, I can, I will. Then, if you really want to go for it, take a walk. You just need baby steps. Baby steps leading in a new direction, towards a new life. Start now.... No pain, no gain.